#73. Sexing Up the Song of Solomon

Hi pastors (not all of you, of course), we know that one of the interpretations of the Song of Solomon has to do with sex. We know because we have been recently bombarded with this all over the Interwebs. But, dude, chill. I don't need you to describe to me in detail what Solomon or his lady meant. There's a reason why it's a song, it's poetry and not 50 Shades of Grey.

Although my daughter is only one year old, I don't want her growing up in a church were a pastor and his wife preach from a bed or something freaky like that. Also, don't you think that by giving these explicit talks to the whole church, you are arousing lust in single people?

Now, for the rest of us:

Imagine then that you invite your non-believing friend for the first time to church and the pastor says, "Open up your Bible to the Song of Solomon," with a smirk on his face. Oh no. You know what's going down. But, there's still hope, you think. Maybe the pastor won't go into detail, or maybe he'll begin by saying how this serves as an allegory of Christ's love for his bride, the church.

But then he says, "And by 'pleasant fruits' she meant..."

Get your friend and run. Seriously.

#51. Preaching out of thin air

Preaching is not always an easy thing. Believe it or not, I've preached several times, and it requires a lot of studying and prayer time. It is very rewarding and I love it. Thus, I'm never quick to judge a preacher on his deliverance (the content of the message is something else entirely).

It takes work and I respect all preachers who take their jobs seriously, as they should. But have you ever heard someone preach a sermon on a Bible text that doesn't exist? Say what? That's right!

Not too long ago, I used to attend one of those "name it and claim it" corporations, I mean church, and this happened to me. The preacher was well into his message, quoting different parts of Scripture and at one point, near the climax, he asks everyone to turn to "Mark 17:20." He said it twice, "Mark 17."

As you may have guessed, there is no "Mark 17," but this did not deter this preacher to give a convincing message. He went on for another half hour talking about the passage of scripture that doesn't exist. Did anyone else notice? I felt like raising my hand and saying, "Excuse me, but you kind of made up the last part of your sermon." At first, I felt bad for him, but then I didn't raise my hand afraid people would stone me or something like that. They really, really blind follow this guy, even when he preaches from a non-existent chapter of the Bible.

Has this ever happened to you?